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Writer's pictureDaisy Sta Ana

Show, Don’t Tell: The Golden Rule of Fiction Writing




Hey fellow writers!


Welcome to the IABX Wednesday Writing Tip! Today, we delve into the Golden Rule of Fiction Writing: Show, Don’t Tell


"Show, don’t tell." It’s advice that every writer has heard, but what does it really mean? Essentially, it encourages writers to describe scenes and characters through actions and sensory details, rather than simple exposition.


Consider these examples:


Telling: She felt nervous as she sat in the waiting room.


Showing: She fiddled with her hair, glancing at the clock to avoid eye contact with the other candidates.


The second example paints a vivid picture, letting readers infer her nervousness. Similarly, instead of saying, “The house was dark and spooky,” try, “Fred peered into the gloom, the floorboards creaking underfoot, as cobwebs clung to his clothes.” This approach invites readers into the scene, allowing them to feel the atmosphere themselves.


Why Show, Don’t Tell?

Showing is about engaging readers deeply. When you show instead of telling: 


- Sparks imagination and invites deduction.

- Lets readers draw their own conclusions about characters and situations.

- Evokes emotions and sensory experiences.

- Builds a strong connection between readers and characters, fostering intimacy.


Consider this simple sentence:

"Archie was happy to be alive."


Compare it to Zadie Smith's vivid depiction in "White Teeth":

Later that morning, Archie did an ecstatic eight circuits of Swiss Cottage roundabout in his car, his head stuck out of the window while a stream of air hit the teeth at the back of his mouth like a windsock. He thought: Blimey. So this is what it feels like when some bugger saves your life. 



When writers show instead of tell, readers don't just read—they experience the story alongside its characters. It allows for discovering hidden meanings and enhances the reader's satisfaction by leaving room for interpretation.


Tips for Showing, Not Telling


1. Engage the Senses: Use descriptive language to evoke what your characters see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. Avoid overusing sense verbs like "saw" or "heard."


Consider this poorly written example, loaded with sense verbs:


Will saw a boulevard, lined with brightly lit cafes and small shops. But he couldn’t hear a thing. He felt hot and smelled both the scent of flowers and the salt of the sea. 


And the inspired well-crafted sentences:


At the side of the boulevard was a line of cafes and small shops, all brightly lit, all open, and all utterly silent and empty beneath a sky thick with stars. The hot night was laden with the scent of flowers and with the salt smell of the sea. 



The Subtle Knife, Phillip Pullman



2. Use Dialogue: Dialogue can reveal character traits and emotions without direct exposition. For example, in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Bennet’s indifference and Mrs. Bennet’s excitement are conveyed through their exchange. Please see sample below:


“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”


Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.


“But it is,” returned she; “for Mrs. Long has just been here, and she told me all about it.”


Mr. Bennet made no answer.


“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried his wife impatiently.


“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”


This was invitation enough.



Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen




3. Describe Actions: Actions can demonstrate character traits and emotions. In The Road, Cormac McCarthy shows a father’s love for his son through their interactions, rather than simply stating it.


He turned and swam out to the falls and let the water beat upon him. The boy was standing in  the pool to his waist, holding his shoulders and hopping up and down. The man went back and got him. He held him and floated him about, the boy gasping and chopping at the water. You’re doing good, the man said. You’re doing good. 



The Road, Cormac McCarthy




4. Strengthen Verbs: Choose specific, descriptive verbs to make your writing more dynamic and engaging. Instead of “looked,” try “stared” or “glanced.”


Compare these two paragraphs, first with weak verbs and the second with stronger ones:


- She looked at the blinking controls. Everything that wasn’t bolted down moved around the cabin and hit the walls. Pam shouted out in alarm.


- She stared at the blinking controls. Everything that wasn’t bolted down hurtled and zig-zagged across the cabin. Pam shrieked in alarm.


The second paragraph is more evocative, letting writers say more with less. But remember, don’t overuse a thesaurus. Balance is key; too many complex verbs can distance readers from your story.


5. Balance Showing and Telling: Show the important moments, but don’t shy away from telling when necessary for clarity or pacing. Not every detail needs to be shown in intricate detail.


Examples:


a. Too much showing

Her fingers ran along the fading ink. She barely felt the weight of the manual in her hands. Its yellow pages fluttered in the wandering draught, desperately holding onto the flimsy spine. Amanda shut the book with a sigh. “Nothing. Again.” She stretched out her cotton-clad arm towards Lily. Towers of leafed-through volumes separated the two women from each other as well as from the feeling of excitement and anticipation they had both felt in the morning. "Let's call it a day, shall we?" Lily said, stifling a yawn. Amanda nodded.


b. Too much telling

Amanda leafed through yet another book before closing it, frustrated. She and her research partner Lily were no closer to finding the answer they were looking for and both were tired from hours of looking through hundreds of books. They decided to call it a day.


c. A good balance

Amanda leafed through yet another book with yellowing pages, before shutting it with a sigh. “Nothing. Again.” Lily peered out from behind the stacks of useless books between them, her expression glum. "Let's call it a day, shall we?" she said, stifling a yawn. Amanda nodded.


The first example has too much detail, making it wordy and frustrating. The second tells us what's happening without inviting us into the scene, leaving no room for subtext. The last example strikes a good balance, letting readers interpret the characters' thoughts and feelings.



While showing often makes for more compelling storytelling, remember that telling has its place. Strategic exposition can help transition scenes or provide necessary background information.


In the end, effective storytelling is about balance. Use the “show, don’t tell” principle to create vivid, engaging narratives that allow readers to step into your world, but don’t be afraid to tell when it serves the story.



Happy Writing!

From IABX


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